Good afternoon!

Well, well, well...i'm really starting to get into this blog! I'm beginning to see how it's such a release for my heart, creatively, emotionally, and spiritually. Today, I'm thankful for God's forgiveness and mercy. I see how easy it is for me to stand condemned in my life. I fail so often with so many aspects that I often don't see how forgiveness is with me. I know I'm not alone in this, but it is so good to taste and accept the forgiveness we have been given by our wonderful Savior. Really, it is joy. So today folks, I'm thankful for the blood of Christ Jesus. I'm thankful that God is good to cover my justification, sanctification and glorification. Sola Dei Gloria!

Sleep...

Why can't I get a good night's sleep? I've been waking up in the middle of the night expecting my day to begin. It's irritating. Is it preparation for the future? Is God saying, "Wake Up now because there's more to think about today then there was yesterday." What is it that is going on?

Yesterday was my 27th Birthday. Another year has officially come and I am older now than I was the day before. I don't quite understand my life right now. I'm not sure I'm supposed to. I believe that the mystery that is our God often shines a light unto our path, but understanding of why we are to walk the path is not always clear. I know we are to live for the delight of ourselves and the Glory of God. I feel like it becomes more and more apparent each day I live. Delight and Glory. Glory and Delight. They are so wonderfully intertwined that I cannot say one without the other. This is a new year for me. I want to live this year deeper in Delight and Glory. I'm so tired of what's temporal and carnal. I'm so tired of trying to please people. I'm so tired of trying to get folks to understand who I am so that I can live a life free of persecution and judgment. It's not about me. It will never be about me. Thank God that it isn't. That's way too much pressure for one man to handle. So what do I want for this new year...I'll tell you what's running through my mind right now.

1. I want to deeply fall in Love with God's Word.
2. I want to deeply fall in Love with Prayer.
3. I want to Love my wife with the heart of Christ.
4. I want to have real relationships with people and not just ones that are based solely when we need something from each other.
5. I want to have my eyes stripped from what the world cares about and completely submit to the things God cares about.
6. I want to lead the church in boldness rooted in the Holy Spirit.
7. I want to trust God more.

I am tired. Mostly, I'm tired of being attacked by the devil. I feel the attack from all facets of my life, but I know that God has dominion over the devil. The devil will never win over me. He will fall. I thank God for people who are willing to walk with me in this journey. I feel more and more that it is important for us to walk and talk together. Yes, our lives are becoming ever more busy. Supposedly as we grow older, time becomes more and more valuable, yet less and less available. Maybe, we don't get it. Maybe, the way we live is not the way God would desire for us to live. It seems that we don't care enough at times for each other to extend a hand. I don't get it. We truly are selfish people that need God to move us in authentic relationships.

Sometimes I'm tired of playing around and I just want to get deep and truthful fast. I guess I'm growing up. That's all part of the process. I'm tired of petty talk. I just want to hear about God's faithfulness in the midst of deep anguish. I want to hear about God's glory in the midst of pride. I want to hear about God's love in the slums, His grace in the pit, and His majesty in poverty. I'm tired of wasted words and wasted time. Life is too short for that and God is too Great. I write this now because I have to. It feels like I'm suffocating in the midst of my life right now and if I don't get it out, then I don't know what I would do. Why do I feel like my life in particular is such a stinking roller coaster? One week, I'm completely overthrown by God's glory and the very next week I'm completely broken in my sin needing His grace and mercy to pull me through each passing moment. Brokenness is great for it is undoubtedly a refining fire that burns away the flesh and exposes the spirit. I can say with a honest heart that it is painful because I go through it often. So...what do I want God to do in my life as a 27 year old?

1. I want Him to keep me ever aware of the furnace and guide me to joy in the midst of the pain.

2. I want God to overthrow my sin faster and take me to the cross of Christ with a speed that I haven't experienced yet.

3. I want God to overthrow my pride and selfishness and drive me deeper in humility and love. For this body is not my own.

4. I want God to show me what it means to be in relationship with Him, as I'm in relationship with others.

Yes...I have a lot of things that I need from God. All of it comes down to this. I Need God. It's not the product I want from Him. I just need Him. I so dearly long to be Moses whom God hid in the mountain cave as God's glory passed by. I just want to experience His glory in any fashion, for I know that any time we experience that glory, we are forever transformed by it. So, here's my prayer.

"God, change my heart again. Change it so that I might seek you fervently. Change it so I might eat and drink from your banquet often. Change it so I might live in the freedom you've given me today and not tomorrow. Change my heart God and renew my strength in you. I want that. I want you. Be my delight today and show me your glory. I am blessed."

Brokenness

"Here I am...at your feet...in my brokenness complete."

-Starfield

There's something wonderful about brokenness. Being broken usually gives us a negative connotation. We see in movies like Rocky IV, where Ivan Drago tells Rocky that "he will break him". You see in other arenas of life, men and women who have been broken, shattered into a million pieces of glass with no way to repair their fragile psyche. There are so many examples of brokenness in this world that lead to one thing...Despair. I believe that the brokenness that many people in the world experience does lead them to despair. It leads them to see that their lives are no longer manageable. It brings them to see that the hope that they once had in humanity, work, friends, or spouses ultimately is dissolved by repeated failures. Brokenness leads individuals into losing themselves and seeking to gain another for their identity, pride, character, and love. Brokenness as defined by the world leads to the awareness of chaos. I understand what it feels like to live in a brokenness where I see and taste despair. It is a fearful arena of death. It is filled with anger and pride. It leads me to idol worship and self-reliance. Yes, I have tasted this brokenness and I never desire to come back again. I never want to dive into the pit of death and dine on my sin anymore. No, this brokenness leads to only one thing...back into this world...back into myself.

So why am I writing about brokenness? There are two types of brokenness. The one mentioned above leads to death. The one unmentioned leads to life. Life. True Life. Life with joy. Life with God. I don't desire to ever stand at the edge of despair and jump into it's dark lakes. That's not the brokenness of one who has been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. The brokenness of a man and woman whose life has been bought for a price on Calvary is a glorious awakening. It is realizing the innermost desperation for God and taking everything we are to the cross of Christ. This is a brokenness that as I hear death call my name, a louder voice penetrates the darkness and I hear another name...the name of redemption...the name is Jesus. It is that name that tears me away from death and sends me running towards grace. It is that name that leads me to forget my own name and envelops the frame of my soul. This is the brokenness that leads to life. The brokenness that leads to hope, not despair. The brokenness that shows my insufficiencies and points me to Christ. The brokenness that shows me that my identity does not lie in a shattered image of who I am, but points me to the wholeness found in Jesus Christ. I am not my own! I am not my own! I am not my own! This is where I want to be! Brokenness that leads us to Christ and away from ourselves is where I want to live. Come, let's run towards Christ and fall at His feet. He will pick us up and call us to live.

Awake part 1

"No One is Good enough to save himself; awake my soul tonight to boast nothing else."

-Caedmon's Call

The movie, "Awakenings" with Robert Deniro and Robin Williams is a fantastic movie. Robert Deniro plays a man with a disorder that put him in a semi-comatose state for a good portion of his life. Robin Williams plays a doctor(Dr. Sayer) that uses this experimental drug to "awaken" patients like Robert Deniro from their slumber. The drug ends up working and Leonard(Robert Deniro's character) begins to enjoy and take advantage of every aspect of his conscience life. Leonard learns to communicate and build relationships. He begins to understand the value of every moment alive. Life for Leonard was beginning to look bright, until the drugs he was taking begin to have a malicious impact. The drugs were not allowing him to control his mind and he began to fall back into the semi-comatose state through a painful period of time. Dr. Sayer finds himself helpless as he desires to cure his patients. Leonard teaches Dr. Sayer a valuable lesson. The importance of living life to the fullest. Leonard challenges me to look at my life and ask, "Am I Awake"?

Human beings are wired to live life in delight. We desire deeply to be happy and yet so many times we are very far from true delight or a joy that lasts. I often think that we act as if we are in a semi-comatose state; breathing, eating, working, but not really living. We go through the motions of everyday life and fail to ever live. This is the crime of human life. We avoid what is good, indulge in what is temporal, and fail to love. Why this is a crime? It is a crime because SALVATION IS HERE. JOY IS HERE. We ignore truth or even the existence of truth itself and we are held accountable.

God is with us. There are options that don't include living for ourselves or the world. God calls our name to awake us from our slumber to LIVE life to the FULLEST. The invitation is to believe in Jesus and to find our delight in Him alone.

How long?

Hello folks! It has been forever since I have been back on this blog! I found a way to get on after I thought I was eternally booted from this blog. Well, expect new updates and thoughts! I can't wait to hear your responses! Grace and Peace!

-Sam

By Grace You Have Been Saved

For it is By Grace You have been saved...

What does that mean? Does it tell me that I can live life free?
Caught up in my sin, insanity?
What does that statement hold?
When my life is sinking and in desperation I fold
Perceptions drive me deeper away
from the blood that takes my sin away
I cannot see the goodness of my surety
That lies upon someone else not me.

Oh Grace, explain to me again
The power, the love to amend!
Cause still I strive to claim what is not mine
To win this game that's out of time
And still I try to play, to win
My riches, rags, just like my kin
My works have failed, I'm not surprised
Once again, I'm not surprised.

So facedown on this hill I find
The meaning of his sacrifice
The treasure found in living life
Depending, relying on what's not mine
This righteousness that's not my own
Is given by one who knows
My past, my present and my future
Praise God on High I've got a future

By Grace alone, I know I'm saved
Through Jesus' blood he paved the way
That I might not consider life
Through the eyes of sin and strife
But giving all I am to Him
The one, we call Eloihim
And trust that He is good to move
A heart that one belonged to you(the devil, myself, the world)

So once again this man will say,
By Grace, You have been saved.

-Sam Kang, 2006

Pinata, Candy, Celery and Orange Juice

I recently watched a commercial on television where several families(from different cultures) were at a barbeque. One kid was hitting a pinata and it burst open full of celery sticks. With joyful glee, the children at the BBQ all ran and picked up as many of the "green goodness" as possible. Celery had taken the place of candy, which in american society is completely bogus. The whole point of the commercial was to tell consumers that florida orange juice(and the vitamins it provides) is needed because children do not automatically crave after healthy foods.

I agree with this commercial on these specific points:

1. Different cultures should BBQ together.
2. Pinata's are a fun activity at a BBQ.
3. Children get excited when the Pinata bursts open with goodies.
4. Children(growing up in american society) would not normally choose celery over chocolate.
5. Americans as a whole do not choose to eat healthy when given the opportunity.
6. Candy and chocolate tastes a lot better than celery.
7. Celery, although bland, is healthier and better for us than candy and chocolate.

I do not agree with this commercial on these specific points:

1. Florida Orange Juice is not the cure all for unhealthy America.
2. Children that come from purely vegan or vegetarian parents, might love a pinata full of celery(especially celery with peanut butter).

My conclusion is that I am thirsty and I would like a glass of Florida Orange Juice, full of vitamin C.

The point:

Seriously, we don't know what is better for us unless somebody tells and introduces it to us. It's so easy to go with what tastes better at the time, but leaves us feeling sick when that's all we ingest. Truly, what is better for us is actually tastier and more satisfying(I'm not saying that celery and orange juice are, but I'm speaking of something deeper than food). Sounds familiar? Let's all go out and tell others what is better for us and let's not settle for a pinata full of junk.